Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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