I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Your penis caused this!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
