My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
birth control should be required to get into college
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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