Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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