Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
