She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
