Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
