He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
