Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize