i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
