As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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