i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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