apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
