she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
