I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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