Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
