you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
