Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
