So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
