The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
