Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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