I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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