How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
