I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
