I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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