I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
