i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
