Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
