Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
