If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
