Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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