I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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