im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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