just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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