I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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