you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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