I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
