I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
