DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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