he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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