do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
