That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My penis needs a shock collar
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize