If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize