We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
