Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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