Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
