Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
