so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
