you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
