pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
