Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
