I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You just made me feel so damn special
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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