At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
