it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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