9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
