The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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