i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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