3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
