i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
