It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
