Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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