I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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