there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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