Kiss
Puke
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
