Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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