So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
