this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
