Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
do herpes really smell.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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