Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
