I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
