I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
