I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just sucked dick on a ferry
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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