it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
