"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
