I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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