ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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