Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize