Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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