I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
