Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
