Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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