You can't special order awesome
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
