thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
