I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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