My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
