What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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