i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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