i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
